A Date with Sherlock Holmes

A question from the Holmesian.net forums: “Since many of you are in love with Holmes, what would it be like to go on a date with him? Where would you go? What would you do? details, please.”

I have decided to entertain you all with my answer.

Dinner would be nice. He could entertain me talking about food, wines, violins, anything. I suck at all three of those topics. Music in general, a little less; I’m learning more about music these days for sekrit projekt.

I assume he’d be going out with me because of some ulterior motive, rather than ravishing beauty coupled with sparkling intelligence.

If Watson is hanging about, I would double-check to see what kinds of looks he’s giving us. If Watson just seems interested, curious, and bordering on polite voyeurism, I will update my opinion to that of “Holmes lost a bet”. If instead Watson’s looks also include a wary looking around for something else to happen, or perhaps additionally well-meaning worry, it’s obviously all connected to some random case I know naught of.

On the other hand, if I do know something of a probably interesting and high-profile case, and Watson is giving me mean looks, I know I’m in trouble and should exit as quickly as possible. If policemen turn out to be about, there is nothing that a quick but firm boot in the family jewels will not take care of. I assume in this case I’ll have underground contacts, and can flee to the continent after leaving the ultimate incriminating evidence in the office of some government official whom I hate, and who would have adequate motive anyways.

If Watson is not present at all, and is not even possibly present in disguise, I am probably going to be used to gain access to my brother/uncle/grandfather/whatever male relative is around me at the time. Oh well, at least relations will be enjoyable while they last, and he is ruggedly handsome in a hawt kind of way.

If none of the above apply, I’ll keep the relationship quiet and cool. I’m not fond of the idea of love, and probably neither is he; just a casual acquaintanceship will be enough for me.

Even so, it’s all probably just so that he can get some information that only I know.

He’ll have to pay for it with expensive dinners and nights at the theater though.